funny stories

A well known Guide Dog Trainer, Al Mitchell, told me that:
A Blind person walking down Yonge Street in Toronto, commanded his dog to turn right to what he thought was the subway entrance. He had miscalculated, and found himself completely disoriented in a dead-end alley.
A passer-by saw his dilemma, and asked if he could help.
"Yes, thank you" said the blind man, "I was trying to get to the subway."
The man leaned over to the dog, and said slowly and distinctly into the dog's ear, "TAKE - HIM - TO - THE - SUBWAY!"



It was a week before Christmas, and all the decorations were lovingly placed around the house. The tree was richly adorned with lights, sparkling balls, and tinsel. ... All was perfect.
I arrived home from work and was met at the gate by the kennel manager, who said, "oh, you're home", and promptly disappeared. A little surprised at his unusual welcome, I entered the house and stopped abruptly in shock and astonishment at the sight before me.

First - the tree (or what was left of it): There were hardly any branches left on the tree. Up to a height of about 4 feet from the base, there was just a bare trunk
Above that, just a few sad, bare branches, drooping towards the floor. Ah, the floor. The rug was covered with broken decorations, bits of glass, pieces of garland and tinsel, broken lights, and bare cords. And - my blue rug was now white! White? What was that stuff ground into the carpet? Looking closely, I saw a mixture of flour, sugar, powdered milk, and .... what was this?.... oh, yes, oatmeal. Not only was it ground in, it was also wet. The trail led into the kitchen where I spotted stuff spilling out of open cupboard doors and several torn-apart bags lying on the floor in the midst of the mess.


Suddenly, the vision of a Disney movie where bear cubs got loose in a cabin and created havoc sprang into my mind, and I began to laugh. The door opened behind me, the kennel manager sheepishly poked his head in, and said "Oh, you're laughing?". He then explained how somehow a group of 4-month old puppies got loose and into the house. The more he talked the harder I laughed, as I pictured the fun they obviously had. Boy, I bet they enjoyed themselves!

It is a strict Llewellyn rule: "Never, Never leave your car running with a dog alone in the car."
Although our dogs are obedient, sometimes our officers take a shortcut .... the officer was just hopping out to open a gate, she would only be gone for a few seconds, so she ignored the rule.

The dog jumped into the front seat, and while straining to see where his handler had gone, struck the gear shift, and dropped it into forward gear! His other paw struck the "spoke" of the steering wheel and cramped it hard right.
The car took off in slow circles. Fortunately, the car was on a large, empty parking lot (it was the middle of the night.), so as long as the dog didn't steer elsewhere, there was no immediate danger. For what seemed forever, the car merrily toured the lot, with the security guard trying to catch up.


Eventually, to add to our embarrassment, a police cruiser happened by, and one of the officers (who was obviously a sprinter), managed to catch up, reach in and switch off the runaway car. The officer was suspended. The canine car-jacker was let off with a warning!

A guy wanted to take his Chihuahua into a restaurant with him, so he put on dark glasses and "tapped" his way into the establishment.
The waiter said "Hey!, you can't bring a dog in here."
The man indignantly claimed "I'm blind! ... this is my Seeing Eye dog!"
"You're trying to tell me" said the waiter, "that this Chihuahua is a Seeing Eye dog?"
"What???!!", cried the man, "they gave me a Chihuahua?"